There's nothing better than an open septic tank to arouse the most innocent form of curiosity.
Lucky for me I've come across one being pumped and emptied which would otherwise overflow and horrify every buttoned-down Northern Virginian who would happen to pass by.
I walk over to the stinky glory hole to view what disgusting treasures of human filth it held.
"What do you think?" asks the driver from over my shoulder.
"Typical suburbanites shitting in these parts. You can tell by the lack of fiber. Too few corn fans. It looks like a big brown starless night." The driver laughs as I continue.
"...It also looks like no one took that whole 'poisoned peanuts' thing seriously."
"Spot on bro. These shitters ain't eating healthy. Trust me, I just pumped a tank at one of those vegeterian joints. That shit's the real deal. You could probably re-eat it if you wanted to."I gag and laugh simultaneously.
"A working man is a funny man. So, how you end up doing this for a living?" I ask.
"Well, believe it or not I used to be a psychiatrist. You know? Head shrink."
"No offense, but you're fucken crazy. Why would you go and do a thing like that?" pure curiosity on my part.
"You really wanna know?.....I got tired of dealing with other peoples' shit."
True story.
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